Thursday
Aug262010

Breaking News!! 

Also in news, Slebz Editor Blows Own Head off with Shotgun.

Wednesday
Aug252010

Africa Skipped a Generation of Technology, but the Future will Include the Third World

Due to the harsh landscape, corrupt leadership, and intense poverty of Africa, millions of people missed out on a generation of technology that we in the West take for granted. It was a near impossibility to cover the African continent with powerlines and telephone poles in the last century. Existence itself has been as near to Hell in some African countries as can be imagined. Telecommunications in much of the continent's most impoverished nations has remained a distant dream. That a Sudanese rapper has a Youtube video about Facebook could signifiy a massive shift.

The irony is that many of the resources the West relies upon to build cell phones have come from African soil; Congo, Nigeria and Sudan (where Bangs, above, hails from) have all provided the raw materials to build our most popular tech gadgets. Corrupt government deals stepped over the people in these countries and lined the pockets of a few greedy leaders and a few massive corporations.

Now, however, wireless technology is speeding up the development of the third world. This is nowhere more evident than in Africa. This is not to say that corporations aren't going to benefit. On the contrary, cellphone companies like Orange are working to brand themselves to be as recognizable as Coca Cola, even in places where shoes are a luxury. Why? Because it's a huge and potentially burgeoning market. The cost to build wireless towers in Africa is nominal compared to the previous options of building physical lines. The hunger for cultural inclusion in Africa is close to outweighing the need for relief aid. Notice the heavy presence of the iphone in this video. A product shot in the follow up video to one that cleared 3 million views is no accident.

The internet is becoming global. It is making it possible for a common language to emerge on the planet. The cult of the amateur has reached the farthest corners of the planet in a relatively lightning fast fashion. BANGS is now a youtube sensation, his "Take you to da movies" video reaching over 3 million views. The fact that his videos idolize typical Hip Hop consumerism is a whole other layer of human irony.

Of course we mostly watch because the simplicity of his rapping is ridiculous and rarely even rhymes but I think we also are rooting for "ya boy Bangs". Maybe we enjoy the fact that a marginalized piece of the world can gain an audience with more ease than ever before. Maybe Bangs heralds a new global culture, leaving the past where it belongs.

We shall see where it ends up. The playing field may not quite be level but it is definitely changing, and rapidly.

Wednesday
Aug252010

Heidi Montag's Plastic Surgeon Drives off the PCH While Twittering (and sensationalized headlines like this)


Earlier this week, Dr. Frank Ryan, Heidi Montag's plastic surgeon, drove his car off of the PCH minutes after twittering about his dog. The tweeting is the big news angle. Eye catching headlines like these abound: "Did Dr. Frank Ryan Die Because He Was Tweeting?" -CBS
Hey, every story needs a good hook.

CBS' video is even more amazing:
Not to make light of another man's death but, my god… the way the reporter steadies himself to discuss the 'tragic' event is dripping in studied sincerity and sound bite efficiency. Place emotion here. The way he squeezes out the word 'tweeting' makes me very uncomfortable.
I also love Heidi's tweet: "He was an angel... Dr. Frank Ryan changed the world." Well, I don't know about all that but he definitely gave the world fake tits.
Did you notice the funeral? The giant picture of the good doctor in a giant cowboy hat? Maybe he really was a hero. Who can say? After all, he did perform a record ten surgeries in one day on Ms. Montag, transforming her from a vapid twat into an entirely different vapid twat.
All it takes is one look at all those grief stricken faces at the wake to know how much he…uhhhh… shit, I'm not really sure what they…they're confused? But happy? They're tight. I know that. Ah fuck it.
A little piece of us as a nation dies with you, Dr. Ryan, a bit of our souls drives off the PCH in a Jeep Wrangler while tweeting right next to you.
R.I.P. ya big galoot.

Tuesday
Aug242010

Finally! Now even you can be famous.



http://www.celeb4aday.com/EventLA.html


 Thanks to the geniuses at Celeb4aday.com (holy shit),
you can now pay money to get  hassled by your own "paparazzi" swarm! At last! All the attention you could ever want! Well, 30 minutes worth...
The "A list package" is on sale for $349.99 + tax and gets you:

"4 Personal paparazzi - following your every move, asking questions about “the star,” shouting your name, vying for your attention and everything else you’ve seen on T.V. and want to experience yourself.
30 minutes - 30 minutes can be a long time when you’re trying to dodge the paparazzi and all their flashes.
C4AD MyStar Cover - 8X10 print of Celeb 4 A Day’s very own gossip magazine cover with your pictures and headlines custom-made just for you.
Pictures - A dvd containing 10-15 pictures of your experience."

Again, holy shit. What kind of narcissist can't wait to sign up for this? Does this sound like fun to you? If so please let me know, I have a lot of questions.

Click to read more ...

Tuesday
Aug242010

SPORN, how Spam and Porn spawned today's internet

  Spam is NOT sexy. But sex and Spam have a long relationship. The first email sent to EVERYONE on the internet (about 10,000 in the mid '80s) was allegedly sent by a professor inviting one and all to his bachelor party. Most of the internet's use at that time was amongst college educators and the military. Professorial shenanigans undoubtedly ensued.

    It wasn't until the advent of Netscape Navigator in 1994 that the world wide web became widely used by the public, eventually reaching today's 2 billion plus users. It didn't take long for Spam's marketing benefits to become apparent. But the first "angel" investors to fully make use of Spam were primarily from the porn industry. Their 60 plus years of earning capitol put them in a position to supply a ton of revenue.
    The big money men in porn saw huge dollar signs in Spamming. They gambled chunks of revenue on the numbers, trusting that modern man will see a sexually provocative image pop up on the screen…and he will click on it.

Click to read more ...